{"id":3844,"date":"2019-12-17T15:33:43","date_gmt":"2019-12-17T15:33:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/87bedford.com\/?p=3844"},"modified":"2020-10-09T23:40:39","modified_gmt":"2020-10-09T23:40:39","slug":"prove-to-me-that-were-meant-to-be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/87bedford.com\/index.php\/2019\/12\/17\/prove-to-me-that-were-meant-to-be\/","title":{"rendered":"Prove To Me That We’re Meant To Be"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Kevin Plybon<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Prove<\/strong>: The statement ‘Ted is single’ is false.
Method<\/strong>: Contradiction.
Assume<\/strong>: Ted is single.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

By Kevin Plybon<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove<\/strong>: The statement\n\u201cTed is single\u201d is false.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Contradiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assume<\/strong>: Ted is single.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because Ted is single (he\u2019s on a break\nwith Angela), he\u2019s free to hang out with Celia, a work friend, alone at her\nplace. He\u2019ll go over for a drink, wondering what the invitation means. The\napartment will smell like candles. They\u2019ll watch Avatar <\/em>on her blue plaid couch. Whenever he reaches for a piece of\npopcorn and brushes her hand, he\u2019ll twitch. Celia will notice, but pretend not\nto. Ted will get overconfident. Eventually, he\u2019ll reach straight for Celia\u2019s\nhand. She\u2019ll hold it, but she\u2019ll say, \u201cAren\u2019t you dating Angela?\u201d Ted will try\nto say that he isn\u2019t, that he\u2019s single now, but the words won\u2019t come. Because\nhe can\u2019t say, \u201cI am single,\u201d the assumption is false. Q.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove: <\/strong>The statement\n\u201cAngela doesn\u2019t want to get back together with Ted\u201d is false.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Contradiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assume: <\/strong>Angela doesn\u2019t\nwant to get back together with Ted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because Angela doesn\u2019t want to get back\ntogether with Ted, she\u2019ll go out to meet some new people. No matter which\ngirlfriend she goes with (say it\u2019s a colleague, Emily), they\u2019ll end up at The\nTrough, a steel-piped hot spot with a raw block of granite for a bar. They\u2019ll\ngrab a table in the corner and shout over the pounding bass. The waitress will\nset down two glasses of house red and point to someone at the far end of the\nroom, a broad-shouldered man with spiked hair. Angela will meet his eyes. He\u2019ll\nraise his tumbler. She\u2019ll pull her own shimmering brown tresses back into a\nponytail. She\u2019ll finish the wine, order some shots, and try a strange, blue\ncocktail. She\u2019ll totter onto the floor and dance beside the speakers with Emily\nfor an hour, clutching a pearled handbag, getting more drinks (at least three).\nThey\u2019ll stumble laughing back to the table. It\u2019ll be occupied by the man with\nspiked hair, who will raise his eyebrows and pucker his lips, so they\u2019ll turn\nand sidle back to the bar, giggling. Emily will disappear into the back to\nthrow up. While she\u2019s gone, Angela won\u2019t be able to stop laughing about the\nspiked hair guy. She\u2019ll want to call Ted and tell him about it. She will, but\nshe won\u2019t be able to hear anything. She won\u2019t even be sure the call goes\nthrough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next morning, Angela will check her\nrecent calls and see that she really called Ted. She\u2019ll think back to the\nbreakup, to the night in his Jeep when they came back from Long Beach. She\u2019ll\ntry to reassure herself they did the right thing, but she won\u2019t be able to\nremember their reasoning. Except for Ted wanting to see other people. He was\nclear about that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her friend Dennis will call. She\u2019ll\nconfess what happened, that she called Ted. Dennis will say, \u201cDo you want to\nget back together with Ted?\u201d Because she won\u2019t answer, the assumption is false.<\/strong> Q.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove: <\/strong>The statements\n\u201cTed is not dating Angela\u201d and \u201cTed is dating Angela\u201d are not the only\npossibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Direct proof.\nConstruct a third statement in the universe of dating states.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 1: <\/strong>Existence of a\nthird statement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Proof 1, the statement \u201cTed is not\ndating Angela\u201d is false. Since Ted and Angela officially broke up, the\nstatement \u201cTed is dating Angela\u201d is also false. It follows that a third\nstatement must exist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 2: <\/strong>Constructing the\nstatement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Ted can\u2019t move things forward with\nCelia, he\u2019ll fall into confused nostalgia about Angela, watching Titanic<\/em> and Bring It On: All or Nothing<\/em> back-to-back, because those were\n\u201ctheir\u201d movies. He\u2019ll be in the middle of an FX rerun of Poseidon<\/em> (\u201chis\u201d movie) when she calls from The Trough. He\u2019ll stare\nat her number. He can\u2019t forget it, despite deleting her name. His thumb will\ntremble above the screen for four or five rings. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019ll answer and start strong with \u201cHey,\nAng, good to hear\u2014\u201d, but a blast of club music will force him to hold the phone\naway. He\u2019ll make out the familiar timbre of her voice, the words indistinct.\n\u201cCan you hear me?\u201d he\u2019ll say, but she\u2019ll keep talking. He\u2019ll wish he could tell\nwhat she was saying. Is she in trouble? Is she with someone? Does she need a\nride home? (That wouldn\u2019t be wise, maybe. They asked each other for time\napart.) When she finally hangs up, he\u2019ll eat a bag of Doritos. He\u2019ll call his\nfriend Simon and wonder if Clueless<\/em>\n(\u201cher\u201d movie) should have won an Oscar. Simon will suggest he reason through\nthe situation. Really think out his feelings. Ted will remember the first time\nhe knew he was in love with Angela, when they were going up an escalator at\nMacy\u2019s, and she blasted him with that knowing smile and he blurted \u201cI love\nyou.\u201d He\u2019ll realize, and Simon will agree, that the phrase \u201cI am clueless\u201d\nperfectly describes his situation with Angela. This is a third statement in the\nuniverse of dating states. Q.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove: <\/strong>Angela prefers\nsome guys to Ted (someone > Ted).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Induction. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Base\nCase: <\/strong>Angela\nprefers some guys to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angela dated Ted. Angela would never date\nthe guy she liked the least. Therefore, Ted > that guy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

General\nCase: <\/strong>Assuming\nTed > some range of guys, someone else > Ted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because Angela prefers Ted to other guys,\nshe\u2019ll think about him. By Proof 2, she may even want to get back together. Two\ndays after the unfortunate phone call, she\u2019ll confess it to Emily, at work.\nShe\u2019ll say she\u2019s thinking about calling him for real. Emily will smirk and say,\n\u201cHonestly, I never thought you and Ted were quite right.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angela will redden. She\u2019ll turn back to\nher desk, to a story she\u2019s editing called Goblin\nBomb<\/em>. She won\u2019t be able to focus. What does Emily know, anyway? Angela\nliked Ted. Loved, in fact. (Loves?) She\u2019ll stare out the window at staggered\nskyscrapers and think back to the Jeep again. Ted suggested they take some\ntime. Why did her heart agree? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019ll be honest with herself: even at\nthe start, thinking about him sometimes made her anxious. It will happen now,\nwatching the traffic snarled on Third Avenue. She\u2019s never been sure where it\ncame from, a dark itch, a suspicion that something\u2019s wrong. Maybe Emily\u2019s\nright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019ll imagine a higher power (or a\nquick, inner genius) speaking, telling her that sometimes, two fine people are\ntogether\u2014not cheating or arguing much or hurting each other\u2014and then they\naren\u2019t. She\u2019ll highlight a relevant phrase in Goblin Bomb<\/em> (\u201cThe heart is fickle.\u201d) and add a comment (\u201cTrue.\u201d).\nShe\u2019ll feel like she can\u2019t trust her feelings. She\u2019ll mutter at the window,\n\u201cThere must be some<\/em> guy better.\u201d\nQ.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove: <\/strong>Ted\u2019s probability\nof getting what he asked for is around 90%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Expected Hookups\n(EH).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Proof 3, Ted is clueless. Drifting in\nhalf-singleness, he\u2019ll trail after female faces like a fresh-cut teenager. Each\nday, Ted sees around 200 different women. After the breakup, he\u2019ll be attracted\nto 175 (87.5%) on sight, on average. Almost every time, his mind will sprint\nforward, past their first kiss, marriage, vacations, and retirement, to their\neventual deaths, their burial in Michigan, in his family\u2019s plot, covered in\nsparse, yellow daisies. Of the 175, it\u2019s only feasible to ask two per day to\ndinner or drinks. Factors like the marriage rate, willingness to be approached,\nand Ted\u2019s concern for his looks that day mean that he has a 25% Date-Acceptance\nRate (DAR) per day (0.5 women). Past data indicate that Ted\u2019s Chance of Hooking\nUp (CHU) on a first date is about 2%. Multiplying DAR by CHU yields 0.01\nhookups per day, on average. Therefore, in a 90-day period, Ted\u2019s EH is 0.9, or\n90%. Q.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 6 <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove:<\/strong> The existence of\na guy better than Ted doesn\u2019t imply that Ted is a worse fit for Angela.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Direct Proof.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Proof 4, there\u2019s a guy better than Ted\nfor Angela. There are three cases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Case 1: <\/strong>Angela doesn\u2019t\nknow he exists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If Angela doesn\u2019t know this guy exists,\nTed is still the best she knows. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Case 2: <\/strong>Angela knows of\nhis existence, but doesn\u2019t know where he is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assume Angela goes to a palm reader and\nlearns of a decisive, clean-shaven man with a membership at the Museum of\nNatural History. Angela will try to find him. If she does, skip to Case 3. If\nshe never finds him, there are two solutions: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

a.<\/strong>\nShe\u2019ll live forever with the knowledge that this guy exists and is more\nincredible than Ted. At the movies, she\u2019ll always wonder if she\u2019s in the right\nseat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

b.<\/strong>\nShe\u2019ll reason (correctly) that it\u2019s unlikely she\u2019ll ever find him. She\u2019ll move\non with her life, a.k.a. Ted. Wouldn\u2019t her heart just go stale again, if she\nfound the clean-shaven man? (This is equivalent to Case 1.)   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Case 3<\/strong>: Angela knows\nthe guy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His name is Verne. Emily will set them\nup. He\u2019ll look directly into Angela\u2019s eyes when she talks. He\u2019ll text her three\ndays after that first lunch, asking if she wants to get drinks. For two weeks\nthey\u2019ll text throughout the day. He\u2019ll be completely different from Ted. He\u2019ll\ninvite her to go rock climbing (she\u2019ll go). She\u2019ll find herself comparing her\nconnection with Verne to the one she has with Ted. Can she quantify it? She\u2019ll\nstart thinking about her history with Ted and the consequences of abandoning\neverything. Her friendship with his hippie parents. Their plans to go to Peru.\nThe time he rushed to the hospital to meet her when she had a heart murmur, and\nsat for hours beside her bed in the cutting light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually she\u2019ll wonder why she\u2019s\nthinking so much. The heart isn\u2019t some oiled machine, diagrammed and proved\nout. And this thing shouldn\u2019t be so hard. It either is, or it isn\u2019t.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019ll break it off with Verne after\nthree weeks. Q.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove: <\/strong>Ted\u2019s heart is\nfickle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Direct Proof. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Proof 5, it\u2019s likely that Ted will go on a few dates. Assume that a few of them even go well. One girl in particular (Jocelyn) will be beautiful and sly. She\u2019ll be an escape room designer. Ted will mention his recent breakup in the first five minutes, but it won\u2019t bother her. She\u2019ll say, \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a key for you.\u201d They\u2019ll end up kissing over their veal parmesan; Ted will be shocked at the shape of her lips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On his way home, he\u2019ll pass the cafe on\n86th where he and Angela went for their one-year anniversary. His memories are\nsoftly lit, happy, with music and the sounds of silverware. He\u2019ll take out his\nphone to call her, but her face will appear in his mind, her real face, and her\nreal eyes. He\u2019ll put away his phone. Later, at home, he\u2019ll watch a TV drama\nabout a forbidden romance. One of the characters will say, \u201cI can\u2019t imagine\nmyself with anyone else.\u201d That\u2019s a feeling Ted had today, about Angela. Does\nthat mean it\u2019s a correct feeling? It\u2019s one that real people have. He\u2019ll sigh\nand stretch out with a novel in bed, reading about another couple in love. The\nheroine will be on assignment in Mumbai, wishing her wife were there with her.\nShe\u2019ll miss the unique mole on the wife\u2019s neck. Ted will think about Angela and\nwonder why everyone in every movie knows exactly how they feel at all times. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next day, he\u2019ll call Celia, the\ncolleague from Proof 1. She\u2019ll ask if he wants to come over. He\u2019ll hesitate.\nQ.E.D.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proof 8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prove: <\/strong>Love is an\naction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Method: <\/strong>Contradiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Assume: <\/strong>Love is a\nfeeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because love is a feeling, Angela will\ncall Ted and ask him to meet her at the cafe on 86th, so that maybe, once and\nfor all, they can resolve this thing. She\u2019ll get there late. She\u2019ll see Ted\ninside sipping a tall glass of seltzer. Because love is a feeling, it\u2019ll rush\ninto her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she walks in, past the chipped red\nhostess stand, he\u2019ll rise and hug her with affected calm, though his mind is\nriven with doubt. They\u2019ll sit and try to start. Angela will wonder if Ted\nrebounded, maybe with Celia. To grease the rails, Ted will ask how she\u2019s been\nfeeling. Angela will confess (truthfully) that she doesn\u2019t know. She loves him,\nbut she\u2019s worried about something. About what? he\u2019ll ask. She doesn\u2019t know. Ted\nwill embark on a long, prepared soliloquy on the same topic, his love and fear,\nstabbed so deep he can\u2019t locate it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angela will interrupt him to ask where\nthe waiter is. She\u2019ll order a bacon cheeseburger (\u201cthe most deluxe one you\nhave\u201d). Minutes later, before Ted can work back around to what he was saying,\nthe burger will arrive, sprawled across a fist-sized pickle and a mountain of\nsweet potato fries. Between bites she\u2019ll start to speak, explaining her angst\nsince they took a break and her worry that she\u2019ll never make sense of her\nfeelings. He\u2019ll wince at the sound of her chewing. She\u2019ll confess that she\nknows what she\u2019s worried about: she can\u2019t guarantee that she\u2019ll prefer him to\nevery other guy until the end of time. She doesn\u2019t know if he\u2019s right for her.\nShe might lose the love. Ted\u2019s eyes will flash with panic and she\u2019ll take\nsatisfaction in the weight her words still hold for him. Ted will say that it\nseems like neither of them knows what they want. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angela will murder the pickle and\ndisagree. It\u2019s clear, actually, that they both want to want<\/em> each other. And love is there already, planted. It can\nbe tended. Ted will have no idea what to say, but he\u2019ll look at Angela with\nsomething approaching newness. He\u2019ll wonder why he\u2019s never thought of it that\nway. He\u2019ll think of Jocelyn\u2019s lips, so much thinner than Angela\u2019s, and feel his\ncheeks warming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angela will peer for a moment at a\npainting of a giraffe on the wall behind him. She\u2019ll remember staring at that\nexact spot before. All we have to do, she\u2019ll say, is make a choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cChoice.\u201d The word will ring in Ted\u2019s\nheart. Maybe that\u2019s what he was missing, before. He\u2019ll imagine himself choosing\nAngela every morning when he wakes up. Not letting that bizarre, fickle river\ninside him sweep him away, but grasping his life with his own hands. Deciding\nto love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

His heart will swell, and he\u2019ll realize\nhe\u2019s ready. His future with Angela will align before him in perfect clarity.\nHe\u2019ll say she\u2019s right. She\u2019s convinced him. He\u2019s sorry for the grief he\u2019s\ncaused. He doesn\u2019t know what he was thinking, throwing it all away. He hopes\nshe feels the same. Does she?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angela will swipe the last fry across the\nketchup on her plate. She\u2019ll wipe the corners of her mouth. She\u2019ll know what\nshe needs to do, but she\u2019s arrived at the moment. After this, she can never go\nback. But that\u2019s the whole point, isn\u2019t it? To choose. She\u2019ll savor the raspy\nfeeling in her throat. The room will contract, the air thickened with grease.\nShe\u2019ll take a deep breath, meet Ted\u2019s eyes, and scratch the itch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019ll say no. Q.E.D.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a9 Copyright 2019 Kevin Plybon<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Kevin Plybon is a technical writer and author based in New York City. He taught high school math for three years, and still misses proofs to this day. He’s currently shopping his first novel, a steampunk fantasy about an immigrant engineer trying to save the city that hates her. You can find him at kevinplybon.com<\/a> and on Twitter (@kevilknc). <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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